Somebody that I used to know

There is a time when every sign must draw strength from within. Fire signs draw it from belief in themselves. Earth signs draw it from belief in their beliefs. Air signs draw it from belief in their words. Water signs draw it from belief in their feelings.

-An excerpt from Taurus Eyes by Bonnie Hearn Hill.

I want to believe in the good in people but all I see is the ugly. i believe everyone is out to get me, or my family or even my friends. You may say that I’m paranoid. Yes, I admit it. I suffer from it. (Admitting something is the first step)

With the upcoming change in my life (I’m going to college for the first time, gonna live in a dorm with strangers etc) i feel that I need to have a thick skin. Everyone knew everyone back at school. We were all connected. But this is college and competition. How do I draw my inner strength out? How do i classify it? I believe each of the above is a process we, or at least I, take part in.

The first step (and the hardest) is to believe in myself. Doubt is second nature to me and I need to believe that I’m stronger than what I’m doubting (By the power of belief, doubt, I compel you!)

Belief in beliefs. What do I believe in? Islam. I believe in the teachings of the Holy Verses. And try very hard to hold my belief to my heart because it’s very important for one to have roots. Without roots, we are mere animals copulating and woring without a goal. (Unlike many of my friends, I don’t plan to be some big hotshot CEO in a famous company. Yes, I’d like to live comfortably but not to lose myself in the process. All of this is temporary and can be gone in a blink of an eye. My goal is to surround myself with positive energy, positive friends to write and be remembered, to be faithful and loving wife and to be the best mother there could possibly be)

Belief in words. Words. The weapon of women folk. Other than the presence of my mother, my tongue is a wild thing and has a (rather naughty) mind of its own. Sometimes, I say something without thinking. I want to change that, I have to change that to become a better person.

And feelings. If I know me and I do then I know that i have to hide my feelings. Before anyone finds out. Because all of you are lurking about, you devious, blood sucking witches.